


Where There Once Was Love

by seeleyboothfan



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 14:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeleyboothfan/pseuds/seeleyboothfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine just wants Kurt to be happy. He doesn't want to see any more tears on that beautiful face. Could one little video change everything? Could talking again help them make up or would they just move on? Takes place between right after "The Break Up"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where There Once Was Love

No one could have been more surprised than Burt himself when he opened his door that Friday night.

 

“Blaine?”

 

The boy in question couldn't even meet his eyes. He scuffed his foot in the slush on the Hudmel doorstep and fidgeted with an object in his hands. “Good evening, Mr. Hummel.”

 

“It's Burt.” He replied automatically.

 

Blaine's shoulders slumped slightly. “I don't think I deserve that right these days.” He sounded so dejected.

 

Burt sighed. He hadn't seen much of Blaine since his kid's break up, for obvious reasons. It wasn't hard to tell, though, that Blaine was taking this just as hard as Kurt was.  “Would you like to come inside?”

 

Blaine finally looked up at Burt. His eyes were red and puffy as if he'd just been crying but the rest of him was immaculately put together.  He shook his head and held out his hand. “I just wanted to give you this.”

 

Burt looked closely and noted it was a CD. He simply raised an eyebrow and didn't reach for it. “Kid, get in the house before I change my mind. It's freezing and I want to talk to you.” He turned and walked towards his living room, not even checking to see if Blaine was following.

 

He was pleased to hear the sound of the front door closing and the sound of boots hitting the floor before soft footsteps echoed behind him. Burt sat down in his arm chair and indicated the couch in front of him.

 

Blaine dropped down into the seat and twisted the CD in his hands, looking anywhere but Burt. He jumped slightly when Burt started talking. “I'm going to be honest and say that I know next to nothing about what happened between you two. You know as well as I do that Kurt keeps stuff to himself when he's hurting unless we pry. What little I know came from Finn and he's unfortunately not the best source of information.”

 

Blaine giggled before he caught himself and his face lost a little color and he silenced himself.  “What did Finn tell you?”

 

Burt frowned. “That you hurt my son and that he couldn't stop crying. I hate seeing him cry. That boy deserves every happiness in this world and I thought you were the one to give him that.” He knew Blaine could hear the disappointment because he shrunk further in on himself.

 

“I cheated on him.”

 

His voice was quiet but Burt heard every word. He heard but he couldn't believe. He'd seen the way they were together and thought they'd be one of the few to truly make it.

 

Blaine shuddered. “I ruined everything. I took the one good thing in my life and spit in its face. I hate myself for what I did to him.” His voice shook with anger.

 

Burt glanced up at the ceiling and pulled upon every reserve of calm that he had inside of him. No wonder Kurt was so distraught. No one should have to go through this. His son had given his heart to someone who had thrown it back into his face in pieces. He looked back down at the boy on his couch and instead of seeing a monster, it was just a kid who had made a huge mistake; someone who was regretting it with every fiber of his being. There had to be more to the story for it to be affecting him this way.  He never thought Blaine to be the type of person to cheat, especially on someone like Kurt.

 

“He broke up with me and I don't blame him.” Blaine spoke up from where he sat with his head hung low. “I don't ever expect him to forgive me either. I doubt I'll ever forgive myself. I just wish he'd let me explain. He wouldn't even let me talk once he knew. He kicked me out and said he never wanted to hear from me again. He thinks I don't love him and it's not true.” Blaine raised his head and his voice was strong. “I never stopped loving him. I didn't do this to hurt him.”

 

“I'm disappointed.” Blaine's eyes widened and his face fell. Burt hurried to continue. “Not necessarily in you. I don't know the circumstances and I don't think I want to know right now. I'm disappointed that it came to this. I had hoped you could be one of the few to make this long distance thing work.”

 

Blaine nodded. “Maybe if I weren't so weak. I know now that I was thoroughly dependent on him and that it wasn't healthy of me to be that way. He was strong enough to live his own life and I couldn't even get through a few months without him.” Blaine looked down at the CD again and then back up at Burt. “Kurt won't accept my phone calls and all my letters are returned unopened. All I want is the chance to explain myself and apologize. I made a video but I know if I send it he'll just return it. I thought maybe if you gave it to him he'd be more willing to watch it.”

 

“And why would I do this?”

 

Blaine frowned at Burt's harsh tone. “I don't think either of us can move on from this without having some closure. You're more than welcome to watch it, in fact you probably should, so you know exactly what you're giving him. Maybe you could then tell him why he should watch it. I want this to help him let go of all this pain. I want him to be happy again, even if it's without me.”

 

“All right.”

 

Blaine looked confused. “I'm sorry?”

 

“Give it here. I'm not making any promises that I'll give it to him. I'm not going to do anything that would just hurt him.”

 

“Of course, Mr. Hummel. Thank you for listening and for giving me a chance.” Blaine stood up and handing him the CD. He turned to leave but stopped at the hand on his wrist.

 

“Take care of yourself, Blaine. You need to stop beating yourself up about this. You're a good kid but you made a mistake. That doesn't mean you should go around with this dark rain cloud for the rest of your life.”

 

Blaine didn't respond. He gave a small smile and a nod of his head and left. Burt looked down at the CD and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

 

********

 

No one could have been more surprised than Kurt himself when he opened his door that Thursday morning.

 

“Dad?”

 

“Hey, kiddo.” Kurt and his father pulled each other into a tight hug.

 

“I've missed you so much! What are you doing here?” Kurt pulled back to look at him.

 

“Do I need a reason to visit my son?”

 

“When we live a 12 hour drive apart? Yes.” Kurt stepped back from the door and pulled his father into his apartment.  “Take a seat, Dad. Can I get you something to drink?”

 

“No, I'm good.”

 

Kurt poured himself a glass of ice water, calling out, “Seriously, though, what brought you here? Is everything okay in Ohio?”

 

“Yes, everything's fine. Well, sort of. That's partly the reason why I came.”

 

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “So everything's _not_ fine?” He sat down on the couch and curled up his feet underneath him.

 

“We haven't really talked since what happened with Blaine.” Kurt flinched at the name. “I want to make sure you're doing okay. I want to make sure you know you can talk to me about it, whenever you're ready.”

 

Kurt set his glass down and crossed his arms over his chest. He wore an expression that was quite common for Kurt but that Burt hadn't seen in a while.  It was the look Kurt would give him when he didn't like what he was told. It usually occurred around bedtime when Kurt was in elementary school or when he was told his Barbie had plenty of outfits and no, he would not buy her a new fall wardrobe. “I'm fine, Dad. You didn't need to fly all the way out here to have this conversation.”

 

“Yes, I did. Over the phone, you could pretend everything's all fine. But just now, seeing your face, I know you're not fine. You're far from fine. You look like you're about to break.”

 

Kurt stared at his dad for a few moments before letting himself acknowledge the pain he was feeling. “I'm drowning, Dad.” Kurt's eyes were glassy and his bottom lip quivered. “It's like I can see the sun but the dark keeps dragging me down. Sometimes I can't even breathe.”

 

Burt felt the words like a punch to his gut. “Oh, Kurt.” He reached over and pulled his son into his arms. “I'm so sorry you have to go through this.”  Kurt crawled into his lap and rested his head on his shoulder, tears falling quickly. Kurt had never been a cuddler growing up. He was always independent, taking care of himself. Burt knew that this pain must be greater than any other he'd faced. His little boy's heart was broken and there was nothing he could do to fix it. Well, not nothing...

 

He waited until Kurt started to relax in his arms and his breathing evened out.  “Kurt, I need to talk to you about something.” Kurt sat back and pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe at his face. “If you're not ready to talk about what happened, that's all right. Whenever you want to talk, I'm always a phone call or train ticket away.”

 

“Thanks, Dad. And you're right, I'm not ready to talk just yet.”

 

“I want you to watch this.” Burt reached down and pulled out a CD case. Kurt eyes widened when he was handed it. He must have recognized the handwriting. A simple “ _For Kurt_ ” was written on the front of the case.

 

“What is this? Why do you have this?” Kurt raised hurt eyes to Burt. “Have you been talking to him?”

 

Burt pursed his lips. “He reached out to me and I let him talk. He just wants a chance to explain some things.”

 

“No. He gave up that right when he went to someone else instead of me. He said he was lonely. What kind of excuse is that? I was lonely and I didn't sleep with some stranger. I still can't believe he'd do that to me. I never thought he'd be that kind of person. I guess I never really knew him.” Kurt looked up at his dad with eyes full of fire. “Why are you taking his side in this?”

 

“Kurt, I'm not by any means taking sides in this. I don't know all the circumstances and in the end it's not even my decision as to what happens with this. All I know is what you've told me and what's on this video. You need to hear his side of things. You can't sit around with these what if's forever. Please promise me you'll try watching this.”

 

Kurt pulled his bottom lip into his teeth and bit down almost hard enough to draw blood. His Dad was right. Wondering why Blaine had cheated was killing him and he'd never get rid of that pain without some answers. Talking directly to Blaine was out of the question, but maybe a video he could turn off if needed was the solution. “I'll try.” Kurt set the CD down on the table next to his water. “What say we go out for some dessert? I could use a slice of cheesecake.”

 

“Sounds great. It'll be my treat.”

 

*****

 

Burt had gone home earlier that morning and Kurt was left alone to his thoughts, which was never a good thing. He tried reading but couldn't focus on the words. That was how Kurt found himself sitting in front of his computer. He'd already spent a half hour just staring at his monitor before reaching for the mouse.  He inserted the CD and opened the folder once it loaded. There was one file on the CD: a video. It said it was a little over 20 minutes and had been recorded only three days ago. He hesitated a moment before pressing play.

 

It took only a second for Kurt to see this had been shot in Blaine's room. It must have been nighttime because it was dark, a solitary lamp lighting Blaine's face. Kurt couldn't tell if it was the lighting or if Blaine truly had such large and dark bags under his eyes, if his skin was actually that pale.  Missing was the trademark bow tie that Kurt had grown to adore. Blaine stared at the camera; it felt like he was staring into his soul. The flash of honey stopped Kurt's heart. It hurt more than Kurt thought it would, seeing the love of his life again. Especially when he was looking this broken (though Kurt wouldn't admit that Blaine's pain was hurting him).

 

_“Hi, Mr. Hummel. I assumed you'd be watching this so I figured I'd say hi before I got into this. I completely understand if you watch this and hate me. In fact, I'm expecting it. I just hope you can see that this is important and that Kurt needs to watch this._

_Kurt, I hope you'll allow me this one moment to say what I've been trying to say for so long. After that, you can decide to never see me or speak to me again. Just give me this chance._

_I love you, Kurt. More than anything I've loved in my entire life. You're the best thing that's happened to me and I hope you'll always remember that. Even when I'm-”_

The screen went black. Kurt looked down in mild confusion, noting that he'd turned the power off on the computer tower. He couldn't watch any more of this, not if Blaine was going to talk about love and all that crap that wasn't true. Blaine would never have cheated if he truly loved him.

 

How could his Dad think that this was acceptable to watch? Kurt pulled out his phone and pressed speed-dial one.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Dad.”

 

“Hey, bud. Is everything all right?”

 

Kurt sniffed. “I can't watch it, Dad. I could barely get through the first minute. How can you expect me to watch all twenty minutes?”

 

He heard Burt sigh. “You really need to watch it all, Kurt. You're not going to be able to start healing if you don't let him say his piece. It will be hard, I know, but in the end it will be good for you.”

 

“Did you watch the whole thing?”

 

“I did.”

 

“Did he ever say why he...” Kurt couldn't say the words

 

“He did. I really think you need to hear it. You can't go on without knowing why; it will eat at you. Take some time and then go back and keep watching it. Watch it in parts over the next few days if you must.”

 

“Okay.” Kurt huffed. “Do you think the pain will ever go away?”

 

“It will, in time. For now, you just have to take it a day at time.”

 

“I love you, Dad.”

 

“Love you too, Kurt.”

 

*****

 

Kurt awoke the next morning from a restless sleep. He forced himself to get ready for work, dreading the long day he had ahead of him. Coming home wasn't good either, for he was all alone. Rachel was still in Vermont with Brody's family and wouldn't be returning for a few more days. After pacing the floor for nearly an hour, Kurt sighed and sat at the computer. He pulled up Blaine's video, deciding he should rewatch from the beginning instead of skipping to where he'd left off.

_" _Even when I'm an old man and yelling at those damn kids to 'just get off my lawn' I'll still look back on you as one of the best things to have ever happened to me. I loved you and I loved us and I wanted forever. I was naïve to think we wouldn't have any problems... I don't want to focus on those right now. I need to get through this video and I won't if I start right in on what went wrong. I hope you'll allow me to remember what we did right, because we were good. We did a lot right and we need to remember those times too."__

Kurt was forced to stop again. It was more of the same and Kurt couldn't stomach it all in one go. He wasn't ready for a walk down memory lane. He also didn't want to hear about all their problems either. He was struggling to see just what good could come of this video. Maybe he could skip ahead until he found the part where he explained why he did what he did. Not that anything could make what happened okay.

Kurt sighed. Blaine and he had had two good years together. He could give Blaine his twenty minutes. Just not right now. Right now he needed to go grab the pint of ice cream and wallow.

******

 

Blaine had to blink a few times before he believed that he wasn't misreading his caller ID. He hadn't dared to hope that Kurt would call. “Hello?”

 

“I watched it.” Not even a hello. Kurt was getting right to the point. Blaine wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Kurt was calling, though, so that had to be a good sign. Or maybe Kurt wanted to break this off officially once and for all.

 

Blaine had no idea how to respond so he stayed silent.

 

“I wanted to turn it off as soon as it started but Dad convinced me I had to watch the whole thing.”

 

“And?”

 

“I'm glad I did. I had no idea you'd been feeling that way. I just wish you had believed in us enough to tell me.” Kurt sounded so disappointed.

 

“I know, I know. I'm sorry.”

 

Kurt sighed, sounding frustrated. “Enough with the sorries. We've had enough to last us a lifetime.”

 

Blaine spent a few moments listening to Kurt's steady breathing on the other line before trying to break the awkward silence. “Thank you... for watching I mean. It really means a lot to me.”

 

“Of course. I may be mad at you but I owed it to what we had together to give you a chance to speak.”

 

“Was it okay? What I said, I mean? I didn't want to make things worse.”

 

Kurt didn't respond and Blaine was afraid he'd hung up but then he heard a hitch in Kurt's breathing. “Some of the things you said... how you felt before we met? Why didn't you ever tell me? I thought we'd talked about everything but you never said a word.”

 

“I know. I always wanted to tell you but there was never the time. We were happy, why would I have brought up that darkness?”

 

“You were the love of my life, Blaine. Didn't I deserve to know?”

 

“You did. Just another mistake I've made.”

 

“And all those things about our future?  You had to know that I had those same dreams. I wanted them to come true so badly but now I don't know if we'll ever get that chance.” Kurt sniffed. “Why'd you have to ruin it?”

 

“Kurt, I-”

 

Kurt sounded tired. “Don't. You said it all in the video, I don't need to hear it again.”

 

“Why did you call, then? Was it to kick me when I'm down? I know I messed up and you know I'm sorry. I've been beating myself up about it every second since then. I don't need your disappointment on top of that.”

 

Kurt groaned. “I don't know why I called. I was thinking maybe we could start talking again, try and get back that friendship we had in the beginning. But-”

 

“But what?” Blaine couldn't help the anger in his voice.

 

“All I can think about is you and that guy and I get so angry. Wondering if he was better than me. Wondering if you'd be thinking of him when you're with me. I don't know if I can ever think of you without thinking about him.”

 

“God, I wish I c-could go back and change it. I hate that I d-did this to us.” They were both crying now, their words stuttering with the sobs they were trying to hold back.

 

“Blaine, I can't do this. I have to hang up now.”

 

“Don't go!” Blaine jumped at the volume of his yell. “Please don't leave, Kurt. If you turn your back now, we'll never see if we can make it work again.”

 

“You don't have the right to tell me what I should do anymore. It's my decision and right now I'm done talking to you. Please don't try to reach out to me anymore. Don't talk to my Dad, or Finn, or Carole, or Rachel. Leave me alone.”

 

“Kurt.” His voice was so broken and his body was heavy with grief. He could barely get enough oxygen in his lungs to take a full breath. “I can't lose you.”

 

“You already have.”

 

The click of the call ending was like the toll of the bell.

********

_“Sometimes I'd set my alarm for ten minutes before we had to wake up. I'd take the time to just look at you, which I know sounds creepy, but I didn't mean in a Twilight way, I promise. It was just... you were so peaceful and you'd have this extremely happy smile on your face. I'd lay there and imagine us in ten years time. We'd still be waking up this way, but instead, we'd be in our own house and I'd be appreciating what little peace we'd have before our kids woke up. I never told you about that. I thought you'd think I was crazy, that I was moving too fast.”_

Three weeks passed since Kurt had last spoken to Blaine. His dad had called a week after the fight and asked how things were going and Kurt about ripped his head off. He apologized immediately but Burt knew there was something seriously wrong, so he'd let it slide for once. Told him he could call anytime or come home if he needed.

 

“I'll be fine, Dad. I just need time and space.”

 

“Okay. Take care of  yourself.”

 

“You too, Dad.”

 

Kurt had tried talking to Rachel about what had happened with Blaine but she herself was a cheater and not necessarily a repentant one, so her advice wasn't the best.  She also was way too focused on her classes and tended to brush off his pain and anger. Kurt was sort of pissed at her now, too. In the past, Kurt would have bitched about her to Blaine, but he was the cause of this whole thing, so Kurt didn't know what to do.

 

One night that was no different from the rest, everything changed. Kurt was browsing some fashion sites when his Skype made a logging in noise. Kurt clicked over curiously.

_Blainderson has just logged in._

 

Kurt's breath caught in his lungs. Before he could second guess it, he clicked the call button. He waited, heart beating rapidly, for two full minutes before the call was accepted.

 

The screen was fuzzy for a few seconds while the video call buffered, but then suddenly there he was. He looked like he had just rolled out of bed. His hair was sitting in gentle curls against his face and his eyes were still drooped slightly with left over sleepiness. Kurt noted with some amusement that his shirt was inside out. The top three buttons were undone and he could see the triangle of skin he used to enjoy licking and biting. _Damn him._

“Kurt.” Blaine's voice was so disbelieving, yet his face was full of hope.

 

“Hi.” They sat in silence and looked each other over, taking everything in after so long apart. “I'm sorry, Blaine.”

 

“What for?”

 

“For ending our conversation that way. I was angry but I had no reason to take it out on you.” When Blaine looked like was about to disagree, Kurt continued. “I was the one who reached out to you. I had no right to get angry. I could have just left well enough alone.”

 

“But you did call, that meant something.”

 

“It did.”

 

“And you called today. Does that mean something?” _He sounds so damn hopeful_.

 

“It does.”

 

Blaine licked his lips and opened his mouth a few times, but he said nothing.

 

Kurt thought back to his tiff with Rachel. He had wished desperately to talk to Blaine like he'd done in the old days. Or there was that time he saw a bow tie with musical notes that he'd taken a picture of to send to Blaine. Or when he wanted to talk about how amazing New York was for people like them. Why couldn't things be easy? Why couldn't they have that back?

 

“I miss you.” Kurt admitted quietly.

 

Blaine gave a soft sob and pressed his hand to his mouth to quiet it. “I miss you, too. So much.”

 

“It's not even the kissing and cuddles and sex. It's the easy conversations. The way you could make me laugh even when I was so sad. Can I ask you a selfish question?”

 

Blaine nodded.

 

“I want my best friend back.”

 

“You want to be friends again?” Blaine eyes started to shine with tears.

 

“No dating, no flirting, no duets. Just friends. Is that okay?”

 

“I'll take it.” Blaine responded in a rush.

 

“Do you understand, truly understand, what I'm asking for, though? I want a best friend who'll give me dating advice, someone I can gush about the cute boys I see, someone who'll have my back no matter what.”

Blaine looked devastated but he was able to clear his face into a neutral expression after a moment.  “It'll be hard, but I could be that for you. I just don't want to lose you forever. Nothing's the same without you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“So, friends?”

 

Kurt gave a small smile. “Yeah, friends.”

 ********

_“I'm sorry that I keep saying these things about us and our future. I know that those are all completely out of reach now. I just feel like you should know about them. I really should have been more open with you. I trusted you but not enough to show those deeper parts of me. I didn't want to scare you away. The real reason I made this video was to help you move on, help **us**_ _move on and instead I'm taking painful trips down memory lane.”_

“*huff* *puff* Hello? *gasp*”

 

“... Blaine?”

 

“I'm here! *puff*” There was a dull thump. “ _Ow_!”

 

“You doing okay?”

 

“Besides almost falling on my face just then? Sure.”

 

Kurt couldn't hold back a slight giggle. “Tripped on your feet?”

 

“You're never going to let that go, are you?” Kurt could hear Blaine pouting.

 

“Nope.”

 

There was a pause filled only with the sound of Blaine's heavy breathing. Neither of them had been prepared for how easy it was to fall into their easy banter. They had only agreed to try being friends last week and this was their first conversation since then.

 

“I was downstairs.”

 

“I'm sorry?”

 

“When you called? I was downstairs, so I had to run up two flights of stairs to get to the phone. Coop's here. He's always leaving his shoes everywhere, so that's what I tripped on as I was grabbing the phone.”

 

“You didn't have to run. You could have just called me back.”

 

Blaine didn't answer right away and when he did, his voice was quiet. “I promised to answer your calls, no matter what I was doing. I don't want to mess this up just when we're starting again.”

 

“Oh.” Kurt was brought back to last year's Christmas, his heart hurting as he remembered just how earnest Blaine had looked making those promises. He had to stop himself from bringing up the fact that he'd broken the biggest promise of all. He didn't want to start the blame game again. He wanted to gain back that easy companionship they'd had in the beginning so he needed to move past all that pain. “I want to establish something, Blaine.”

 

“Anything.”

 

“I'm not going to stop being your friend just because you don't answer the second I call. We need to realize that we are going to be busy and not hold that against each other. I won't be upset if you don't return my call for a day or two. I will understand if we make plans and one of us has to change them. We have no obligations to each other anymore. We know we're there for each other and that's what matters most. It'll be just like in the beginning. I didn't get anxious or upset when you didn't return my calls right away. You didn't either.”

 

“Actually, that's not quite true. For either of us.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“After I gave you my number, I kept my phone on me night and day, waiting for your call or text. I thought maybe I'd been wrong in thinking you wanted to be friends when I didn't hear from you those first few days, even after sending you those texts.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.” Kurt could hear a smile in Blaine's voice. “Mercedes told me later that you'd done pretty much the same thing.”

 

“I did not!” Kurt said with mock offense.

 

“So you didn't stress over what exactly each text meant in the context of our friendship?”

 

“...  maybe. Anyway, we're older and wiser now. We should be able to handle a few days without talking.”

 

Blaine sighed. “You're right.”

 

“Why do you sound so surprised about that?”

 

“I can hear you smirking and I don't appreciate it. Be thankful I like you, otherwise I wouldn't let you pick on me.”

 

“I pick on you _because_ I  like you.”

 

They shared a chuckle and trailed off  into companionable silence.

 

“This was really nice, Blaine.”

 

“It was. Thank you for calling, I really needed a pick-me-up.”

 

“Bad day?”

 

“Mm-hmm.” Blaine sighed. “But it's better now.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Do you have a few hours?” Blaine sounded sarcastic.

 

“I do.”

 

“Oh.” Blaine sounded surprised. “Um...” Blaine sighed and Kurt could hear what sounded like Blaine pulling a chair on a wooden floor. “My parents are being difficult about school and college. Coop's no help. He said I could bunk with him in California, but I've seen his room. I don't want to live in filth, Kurt!”

 

Kurt smiled. “I think he'd drive you crazy after only a few hours.”

 

“Exactly! I can't be too mad though. He really has gotten better since I saw him last year. He calls every once in a while. I even got a birthday card from him.”

 

“Really?”

 

“It was a month late. It was the thought that counted. But, um, yeah, he's been good lately.”

 

Kurt gave Blaine a few moments, waiting to see if he'd continue talking, but Blaine was silent. “So, your parents?”

 

“Oh, right. They, um... they think NYADA is a poor choice of college. My dad said he'd cut me off financially if I pursued such an impractical career path. Mom blamed you; said I was going there just to be closer to you.”

 

“...weren't you, though?”

 

“I'll be honest and say that being at the same school as you was a perk but it wasn't why I chose NYADA. Yeah, so, Mom said it was all your fault, and then said some very nasty things about you. I blew up at her. She can say whatever she wants about me and my lifestyle but I won't allow her to badmouth my friends. Dad grounded me and won't allow me to try out for the school musical because it cuts into the time I'm required to be home.”

 

“What?!” Kurt felt his blood start to boil “He can't do that! Being the star of the musical two years straight would give your application that added boost.”

 

“You really think I'd get the lead?”

 

“Of course. You were born to play Danny Zuko.”

 

“Thanks. Your confidence in me means the world. I think Dad's doing everything he can to make sure I can't get into NYADA so that I'll be forced to go to a 'practical university'. I'm at my wit's end here and I feel like I'm all alone in this.”

 

“Can you talk to Mr. Schue? Maybe he could talk with your parents.”

 

“Didn't you hear? He's going to D.C. to be part of some panel. Finn's leading the Glee club now.”

 

Kurt sighed. “I could smack my brother! He tells me nothing.”

 

“That's Finn for you. So, Mr. Schue can't help me. I thought about going to Ms. Pillsbury, but I don't think she's brave enough to face off to my Dad.”

 

“You're right. He'd eat her alive.” Kurt had only met Blaine's father once and it was in passing, but the experience was enough to scar him. Whenever they'd go out, either Blaine picked up Kurt from the Hummels' house or they'd meet up at the location. Kurt had been hurt at first that Blaine didn't want to introduce him to his parents but Blaine had hinted enough of their homophobia for Kurt to not push it.

 

For their first anniversary, Kurt had decided to surprise Blaine by picking him up for a picnic. Instead of the smiling face of his boyfriend, the intimidating Mr. Anderson had answered the door.

 

_“Mr. Anderson?”_

_“If you're selling anything, we aren't interested.” The man eyed him up and down._

_“I'm actually here for Blaine. I'm Kurt Hummel.” Kurt stuck out his hand and gave the politest smile he could muster._

_“Oh, you're that boy from the public school.” Mr. Anderson's nose crinkled in disgust and he made no move to shake Kurt's hand._

_Kurt scowled but didn't drop his hand. “If by 'that boy' you mean 'Blaine's boyfriend', then yes, that's me. I'd say it was nice to meet you but it's obvious you don't care for people like me and Blaine.”_

 

_“Blaine isn't here. I would appreciate it if you'd get back in your car and went home.”_

_Kurt looked over to the driveway. “Blaine said he'd be at home all day. Plus, his car's right there. Please, can I see him?”_

_“You may not. I want none of your filth anywhere near him.” Mr. Anderson started to close the door. Thunderous footsteps came from behind him and Kurt was relieved to see the gel slickened head of his boyfriend come down the staircase behind Mr. Anderson._

_“Kurt, is that you?”_

_“Hi, Blaine.” Kurt felt a genuine smile rise to his face as Blaine came to stand next to his dad._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“I'm here to abduct you and have my way with you. Brainwash you and corrupt you with my gayness.”_

_Blaine's face drained of color and his eyes widened with horror. Mr. Anderson made a choking sound._

_“At least, that's what your homophobic dad thinks. In reality, I'm here to take treat you to dinner for our first anniversary.” Kurt turned to Mr. Anderson. “I sincerely hope you don't talk to Blaine the way you talk to me. Not only is he your son, he's the most wonderful person I've ever met. We're leaving now and you cannot stop us. Have a nice day.” Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him out the door. Poor Blaine was thoroughly confused and stumbled after Kurt, still trying to work out exactly what had just happened._

 

Kurt never went to Blaine's house after that. They'd never really brought up his parents after that. Kurt knew that they never treated him like normal parents treat their kids. They refused to acknowledge his musical career, his friends, or his boyfriend. Blaine only ever used his house for sleeping, choosing to spend time at Kurt's house or at the music store in town.

 

There was the sound of a doorbell on the phone line that startled Kurt out of his reverie. “Oh, hang on a moment, Kurt. I'm  home alone, so I have to go grab the door.”

 

“I'll stay on the line.”

 

“Thanks.” There was the sound of rustling as Blaine ran toward the door (or at least, Kurt assumed that was what happened). “Sam?” Blaine's voice was coming from far away; he must have put the phone in the pocket.

 

“Heya, Blaine. Can I come in?”

 

“Sure! How are you doing?”

 

“Good. Just getting off my shift at Pizza Shack.”

 

“You bring any leftovers?”

 

“Of course!” There was the sound of footsteps. “So, how are things with Kurt?”

 

“Oh, uh...”  Kurt felt slightly odd listening into the conversation, but if Blaine had wanted this to be private, he could have easily said he'd call Kurt back or muted the phone. “We're talking and things seem to be going well.”

 

“That's great, Blaine.” There was the sound of a set of thumps. “I wanted to discuss our fundraiser for Thanksgiving.”

 

Blaine and Sam spent a few minutes talking about the food drive they'd be running for the Lima Shelter. Kurt sat down at his desk, pulling out his notebook and working on his sketches. He turned his phone on speaker and set it next to him.

 

After a few minutes, Kurt heard some rustling come from the phone. “Kurt, are you still there?”

 

Kurt jumped, his foot kicking the leg of his desk. “ _Ow_! Yes, *hiss* I'm here.”

 

“Tripped on your feet?”

 

“No, I kicked my desk really hard.”

 

“Now, why'd you go and do that? Desks have feelings too, you know.” Blaine was trying to keep a straight voice but a stray giggle leaked through.

 

“Sure, pick on the guy with a broken toe.” Kurt grimaced and pulled his socks off and cradling his injured pinky toe.

 

“Oh my gosh, you broke it?” Blaine's voice took on a concerned tone.

 

“It's just bruised, I think.”

 

“Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make fun-”

 

“Don't worry. No apologies necessary.”

 

“You're sure it's okay?”

 

“Yup. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I heard that it was Sam at the door? Are you and he friends now?”

 

“Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. Brittany convinced me to run with him for Senior Class President and we bonded. He comes over once a week after work and brings over the leftover pizza and we watch movies. We're also planning this fundraiser for the homeless shelter.”

 

“That's great. I'm so glad that you guys are getting along.”

 

“Me too. Listen, I would love to stay up and talk to you all night, but I have a student council meeting really early tomorrow and I didn't do my homework.” Blaine sounded sheepish.

 

“Oh yeah, don't let me keep you.”

 

“Thanks again, Kurt. It really means a lot for you to call. Oh, geez, I didn't even ask you why you called.”

 

“Oh, there wasn't really a reason. I was looking for a distraction from designing. This was the most fun distraction I could think of and I was right.” Kurt's cheeks hurt from the size of the smile on his face. “I'm glad we're friends again. I've missed this so much.”

 

“Me too. Goodnight, Kurt.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

********

_“Part of the problem we had was that we were open and honest only when asked out right about things. We both kept parts of us hidden that we were afraid to bring to light. I hated myself for a long time before I met you. My hair was a disaster, my eyebrows were overpowering, I was too short, the list goes on and on. People in my life were always quick to point out my shortcomings. I got to a point where life honestly had no meaning and I was ready to give up. Then you were there. It took one glance from you and I felt special. I felt like my life had some meaning, if only to make you smile. You didn't see the uniform and the facade. You saw the real me, the one I kept hidden from everyone else. You made me confident and proud of myself and for that I will be forever grateful.”_

“You're really going to wear that?”

 

“What's wrong with it?” Blaine looked down at his clothes. He was wearing a light green button up shirt with a dark grey bow tie.

 

“Normally,  nothing, but this is your audition for NYADA.  You have to wear a performance worthy outfit, sweetie.”

 

Blaine's head popped up at the endearment and he watched Kurt's eyes widen with realization. He and Kurt had been talking again for the past month and each conversation was easier than the last. They'd asked advice on issues they'd been having, they'd discussed plans for the future, and they'd joked back and forth about things from their day. Blaine was pretty sure he was falling even harder in love with Kurt than he'd been before the break up. They felt freer, for whatever reason, to admit some of the darker parts of their lives to each other and it only brought them closer.  Blaine had to stop himself from saying “I love you” at the end of their conversations.

 

From what Blaine could tell, Kurt still wasn't interested in starting up their relationship again. He seemed content to stay friends and Blaine wouldn't push him. He was happier than he'd been in a long time and he was doing everything he could to keep things going the way they were.

 

“If by 'performance worthy' you mean tight gold pants, that's not happening.”

 

He saw a blush rise to Kurt's face.  “Oh god, don't bring those up. I had just wiped those from my memory.”

 

“I'm sorry, but those were some unforgettable pants.” Blaine smiled brightly. “So, if this is such an unworthy outfit, what do you suggest I wear?”

 

“What are you planning on singing?”

 

“ _That_ is the main reason I called. I have no idea what to sing.”

 

“Blaine Warbler has no idea what to sing?” Kurt said with mock horror. He even raised his hands to his cheeks to add to the effect.

 

“Oh hush. The NYADA auditions forums are no help either. Everyone's choices are so vastly different.”

 

“I'm not going to be the best person to ask the advice of. My first audition didn't go as planned. I have yet to decide my winter audition song. I'm wavering between 'Being Alive' and 'Defying Gravity'. As long as you pick something out that fits you, the type of song doesn't matter. Find something that means something to you and make it your own.”

 

“You're right. I'll look through my iPod and make some choices. Once I pick a song, we'll discuss my outfit again.”

 

“Sounds good. Oh, hey, can I ask you something?”

 

“You never have to ask me if you can ask me something... wow, that was confusing.”

 

Kurt laughed. “I've been second guessing NYADA. What would you say if I said I was looking into FIT?”

 

“Isn't that a fashion school?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I think that sounds fantastic. I would never try and sway you from your dreams but I always thought you'd be better suited for fashion. The way you talk about Vogue; Your face lights up and it's as if you're reinvigorated. You have such an eye for design. I still have that jacket you made for my birthday last year.”

 

“Really?”

 

“It's the most beautiful thing I own, of course I do.”

 

Kurt gave a shy smile and dropped his eyes to the computer desk. “I'm not sure I have enough experience.”

 

“Are you kidding me? You've been designing since you were 12 and you're interning for Vogue.com right out of high school. They'd be stupid to choose someone over you.”

 

“Thank you.” Kurt finally raised his eyes back to Blaine's. “I need to figure out how to put my portfolio together. I would ask Isabelle but I want to do this on my own.”

 

“Just make sure to put your best photos first and last so that you start with a good impression and leave them with your best. You could even put it together and scan me a copy and I could look it over.”

 

Kurt gave a relieved sigh. “That'd be great.”

 

“So what are your plans for Christmas?”

 

“I was going to try and come home, but the deadline for my article is due by New Years and I'm nowhere near ready. Rachel and I decided to spend the holidays together here instead while she practiced for the Winter Showcase and I worked on my designs. What about you?”

 

“Same as last year, I assume. Mom and Dad are going on a cruise again, so it'll be a mug of hot cocoa, a blazing fire, and The Muppet Christmas Carol.”

 

“By yourself?” Kurt sounded so sad.

 

“Coop's still here, so at least I won't have to spend Christmas Day alone.”

 

“Damn right!” Blaine turned at the sound of Cooper's voice. His brother came sauntering in shirtless, a smirk on his face, hair wet from the shower.

 

“Coop! Put a shirt on. You're so embarrassing.”

 

“Why? Who are you talking to?” Cooper peered at the screen and smile lit up his face when he recognized Kurt. “I'm sure Kurt would love appreciating the best looking man in North America for a little longer, am I right?” Kurt's face became scarlet and he made a small choking sound. “Or had I heard you wrong the last time we saw each other?” Cooper continued.

 

Blaine groaned and shoved at his brother. “Oh my gosh, go away!”

 

Cooper gave a long suffering sigh. “ _Fine_. We're still on for our snowball fight today, right?”

 

Blaine nodded. “You had best be prepared to eat snow. You have to pay for embarrassing me in front of Kurt.”

 

“Hit him right in his smirky face for me, Blaine.” Kurt piped up from the computer screen.

 

Blaine turned to smile at him. “I'll make sure I do.”

 

“It's not fair for you to take sides, Kurt.” Cooper said with a pout. “I don't care how much you love him, I'm clearly the better choice.” With that Cooper walked off, pulling his shirt over his head and shaking the water droplets from his hair.

 

Kurt had gone still at Cooper's words, watching Blaine with wary eyes. “Does he not know about what happened?”

 

“Not entirely. He thinks we had a minor argument and we've already made up. He came home when I was still refusing to acknowledge that we weren't dating anymore and I never elaborated when he assumed we were. It hurt too much to talk about and Coop and I aren't close enough to have those heart to hearts yet. I hope you're not mad.” Blaine looked up through his eyelashes at Kurt.

 

Kurt sighed. “I'm not mad. I understand about not being close. I certainly don't talk about us to Finn, either.”

 

“I'll tell him one of these days. I just kind of want a happy Christmas for once. This is the first time he's been home for the holidays in 8 years. I like having my big brother back.”

 

“How long is he sticking around?”

 

“I don't know, but I'm going to enjoy every minute I get.”

 

“Don't let me keep you from your snowball fight. Make sure to take him down.”

 

“Oh I will, trust me.”

 

Kurt and Blaine shared a grin before logging off.

 

********

_“The good times didn't last, though. I've messed up so much in my relationship with you. First, I acted like I was some goddamn mentor who had to show you how to overcome your problems when all I really wanted to do was kiss you senseless. Then, I went after another guy while you had to stand by and watch. I won't even go into when I went after a girl, that's a really dark time I wish never to remember again. Next, I told you that you weren't sexy which was the farthest thing from the truth. Finally, I did one right thing in my life I got my head out of my ass and realized my feelings for you.”_

“So, how did your audition go?” Kurt was practically bouncing up and down in anticipation.

 

“Hello, Kurt. How are you doing today?” Blaine said with a touch of sarcasm to his voice.

 

“Sorry, it's just I've been waiting all day to hear how it went.”

 

Blaine smiled. “It seemed to go well. Carmen smiled, which I think is good. She said I was the finest Marius she'd seen in a good long while.”

 

“I told you 'Empty Chairs' would be a good choice.”

 

“You were right, as always.”

 

“See, you should never doubt the wisdom of Kurt Hummel.”

 

“Awwww, is Blainey talking to his boyfriend?” Blaine tensed up when Cooper looped his arms around him from behind and rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder.

 

Blaine scowled. “Coop, get out of my room!”

 

“I only wanted to say 'hi' to your boy toy, little bro. Hiya, Kurt.” Cooper winked at him.

 

“Hello, Cooper.” Kurt's smile was forced. He wished Blaine had told Cooper about their breakup. It hurt every time he interacted with Cooper because it kept reminding him of when he had still been Blaine's boyfriend.

 

“So, I realized the other day that I hadn't given you the 'if you hurt my brother, I'll hurt you' speech even though you are both so cotton-candy sweet that I get diabetes just looking at you two.” Cooper gagged quite convincingly.

 

Blaine face heated. “Coop, please leave.”

 

“But I-”

 

“If you don't leave right now I'll tell Mom about the vase you broke yesterday.”

 

Cooper looked truly horrified. “She'll kill me.”

 

“Then you'd best stay out of my room... and learn to knock.”

 

“Geez, don't get your panties in a twist.” Cooper raised his hands in surrender and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

 

Blaine turned back to the screen, his face still a dark red. “Sorry about that Kurt.”

 

“Why haven't you told him yet?”

 

Blaine looked embarrassed. “I guess I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck. “We've been getting on so good and I'll be coming to New York soon. I was kind of hoping maybe we could try being-”

 

“I'm seeing someone.” Kurt couldn't stop the words anymore than he could stop his heart beating.

 

Blaine's mouth fell open and he took a harsh breath. His look was of someone who was told his dog just died. “Wha?” Blaine couldn't even form the full word.

 

Kurt closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at Blaine as he told him.  “I have a boyfriend.” He heard Blaine make a strangled whimper.

 

“Since when?”

 

“A few weeks. I didn't want to tell you until I was sure.”

 

Blaine was silent for a long while, long enough for Kurt to peek open his eyes. Blaine looked devastated. “Who is he?”

 

“His name's Adam. He goes to NYADA.”

 

“How did you meet? Aren't you going to FIT?”

 

“Rachel invited me to this mixer. Adam and I hit it off and he asked me out.”

 

Blaine's eyes were filled with tears, a few trailing slowly down his cheeks. “Does he make you happy?”

 

Adam made him feel beautiful. He was always quick with a compliment and he was the perfect gentleman. Rachel had told him to be careful. Adam was four years older than Kurt and far more experienced. Kurt had just smiled and told her he could handle himself. Kurt thought back to the last date he'd had with Adam. They'd gone to his apartment for a home cooked meal and they spent the evening singing songs until they'd lost their voices. Adam had kissed him goodnight and Kurt had been pleasantly surprised at how much he'd enjoyed it. It was nothing like kissing Blaine but he figured it would get easier with time. They had to learn what the other enjoyed and how their lips fit together.  “I have fun when I'm with him.”

 

“That's good. I'm happy for you, really.” Blaine looked anything but happy.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Blaine bit his lip and wiped a hand across his damp cheeks. “I have to go. Take care, Kurt.”

 

“You too, Blaine.”

 

Just as Kurt was about to sign off, he heard Cooper shout, “Blainey, you had better come quick or I'm going to open all your presents!” The screen faded to black. Kurt had completely forgotten Blaine's birthday.

********

 

_“Unfortunately that wasn't the end of the mess ups, not by a long shot. There was the Sebastian fiascoes, the Chandler fiasco, and then the biggest fuck up of them all. That one, I will discuss later. I guess that nothing ever really went right. For every good thing I had to go and mess something up. I never truly appreciated what we had until I'd lost it. I should have done right by you but I never did. For that, Kurt, for not making sure you knew exactly how amazing you are, I am so sorry. You deserve the world and nothing less.”_

 

“Blainey, you had better come quick or I'm going to open all your presents!”

 

Blaine clicked the log off button just as a sob racked his body. Kurt had found someone else and he was happy. All the plans he'd made for next fall were dashed  in one fell swoop. Blaine dropped his face into his hands as his body shook.

 

“Blaine, I'm not kidd- Blaine?” Cooper came rushing up and knelt down in front of him. “What happened?” He gripped Blaine's hands and pulled them away from his face.

 

Blaine just shook his head. He couldn't talk about this right now with Cooper.

 

“What did Kurt do? Did he say something to you?”

 

“H-he's seeing so-someone else.”

 

Cooper's face took on a scowl. “He's cheating on you? I didn't think he'd be capable of-”

 

“I cheated on him.” Blaine closed his eyes and let the tears fall even faster down his cheeks.

 

Cooper sucked in a harsh breath. “What?”

 

Blaine looked up at him and growled out, “I cheated on him! He was the love of my life and I ripped his heart out.”

 

“When- Blaine, why-”

 

“I lied to you. We've been broken up since October.”

 

Cooper knelt down next to Blaine and pulled him into his arms. “I'm so sorry, Blaine.”

 

“I don't deserve your pity. I'm the one who messed everything up. He said we could be friends again and I was stupid enough to think we'd get back together but he's dating someone else and it's all over and I just want to die.”

 

Cooper pulled Blaine out of his chair and scooped him up. “Enough whining, baby brother. We're going to go eat some ice cream and curl up on the couch and talk this out.”

 

Blaine sighed but curled up in his brother's arms. “Thanks, Coop.”

 

“Of course.” Coop dropped him onto the couch and Blaine bounced on impact. “When I come back with our ice cream I expect you to have cleaned that pretty face of your off and to be wearing your fluffy bunny slippers.”

 

“I don't have bunny slippers.”

 

“Yes, you do. You just don't know it. It's the, um, blue present on top.” Cooper pointed to the stack of presents next to the couch. “You had best not open any of the others. If you do we're going to have an Anderson Brothers tickle war and you know that you have no chance against me.”

 

Blaine gave a small smile and pulled the topmost present off the stack and started to unwrap it.

 

Cooper walked to the kitchen and let himself take a few moments to calm himself. He'd had no idea any of this had been going on, some brother he was.  He remember the first phone call he'd gotten from Blaine when he'd started dating Kurt. He and Blaine hadn't been close then, but he'd been excited enough about Kurt to call. He'd gushed for hours about the beautiful blue eyed boy who'd captured his attention and Cooper had been so happy for Blaine.  Blaine had never had many friends growing up and he'd admitted one day before Cooper had moved to California that he thought he'd never find a boyfriend because who would want someone like him?

 

He remembered catching Blaine at the convenience store in Lima last year buying condoms. He'd let him off easily in the store itself, but he'd made sure Blaine was bright red and thoroughly embarrassed when Kurt came over that night by saying every single innuendo he could think of.

 

When Cooper had moved back to Ohio a few months ago, he'd thought Kurt and Blaine were still as close as they'd been the last time he'd seen them.  Blaine hadn't hinted that there was any problem and he'd certainly had no idea that Blaine had cheated.  He'd never seen Blaine look as broken as he'd looked just a moment ago.

 

Cooper pulled the giant tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream from their freezer and the two largest spoons he could find. He pulled the chocolate syrup and sprinkles from their cupboard and made his way back to the living room. Blaine was just pulling the slippers on his feet and he was smiling fondly at them.

 

“You remembered.” Blaine commented when he saw Cooper was back.

 

“Of course I did. You cried so hard when you couldn't have them.”

 

Blaine pouted. “I was five, of course I cried.”

 

“It was still pretty pathetic. You stamped your little foot and shook your first at Mom.”

 

“Thank you, Cooper. They're great.”

 

“You're welcome, buddy.”  He flopped down on the couch and placed the tub of ice cream between them, handing Blaine his spoon.

 

“Are you sure you couldn't find a bigger spoon.”

 

Cooper glared at him. “Oh hush. If you're not on your best behavior with me, I'll return the rest of your presents.”

 

“To be honest I'm not really in the mood for presents right now.”

 

Cooper placed his hand on Blaine's knees and squeezed. “I know, Blaine. If you want to talk, I'm here. If you want to just cry and stuff yourself with ice cream, I'm way ahead of you. If you want to open your presents and play all the awesome games I bought you, I'll help you.”

 

“Ice cream sounds great for right now. Maybe talking later?”

 

They both dug into the ice cream and managed to eat half a gallon between the two of them. Blaine kept leaning closer and closer to Cooper until he was resting half his body against his shoulder and chest.

 

“What do I do without him, Coop?”

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened? I can't really help if I don't know what led up to now.”

 

Blaine sighed and told Cooper everything starting with junior year when he and Kurt had started pulling apart.  He told of how lonely he'd felt and why he'd slept with Eli. He explained about the video he filmed and how he and Kurt and finally agreed to be friends. He talked about how he'd deluded himself into thinking Kurt would want to get back together and then tearfully told him about how Kurt revealed he'd been dating someone for a few weeks now. “I'm losing him all over again. I don't think I can make it through the heartbreak this time.”

 

“From what I can tell, you both weren't ready for this long distance relationship. Neither of you could have prepared yourself for the loneliness and I know you, Blaine. When you love someone you give them everything and leave nothing for yourself. You can't survive as an empty shell, Blaine. Maybe this will be good. Maybe you can learn who you are on your own. Kurt will realize what he's missing with you and he'll come back for you. By then you'll be ready for each other.”

 

“When'd you get so smart, Coop?”

 

“I've always been this smart, I just never wanted to show off.” He pulled his little brother into a hug. “ I love you, Blainers.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Can we open your presents now?”

 

Blaine pushed Cooper off of him. “Geez, you're like a child. Yes, I'll open them.”

 

_*********_

_“Now onto the part I know you're both waiting for and dreading. As much as it kills me to say it again, as much as I wish I could go back and change it, this horrible thing happened. I cheated on you. I let my fears and insecurities get the better of me and I latched onto someone I shouldn't have. Instead of realizing that you weren't truly pushing me away, I listened to those little voices whispering that I wasn't good enough, that you didn't want me anymore. I let them tell me you were moving on with better and more beautiful people. No one cared about me anymore, no one even talked to me. I tried to tell you but you never let me speak. It was always about how wonderful your life was so I gave up. Then one day, he complimented me and I let it happen. I let myself stray from you, from us, and I gave him that part of me that only you had ever had. It doesn't matter that I didn't feel anything. It doesn't matter that I regret it more than anything else in my entire life. It happened and we can't go back to what we were. I hope one day you can forgive me but I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. I understand that and I'm working to accept it.”_

Kurt woke up to a warm body against his back and an arm tight around his waist. He smiled. _Blaine_. He nestled into his pillow and pressed back against the boy behind him. He twined his fingers with the pale hand and... Kurt jerked and looked closer at the limb around his body. The skin wasn't olive and the hair was brown, not black. _Adam_.

 

Kurt's body broke out in a cold sweat and he tried to pull away from him.  Adam groaned and instead pulled Kurt closer, waking up enough to press a kiss to the back of Kurt's neck. “Morning, Kurt.” His voice was slurred with sleep.

 

“Good morning, Adam.” Kurt voice wavered.

 

Adam turned him over so that they were facing each other. He pulled Kurt to him and kissed him lightly, pressing his tongue against Kurt's lips. Kurt returned his kiss for a few moments until he felt Adam's body press against him. He stiffened and pulled away from Adam.

 

The boy looked confused. “What's wrong, Kurt?”

 

Kurt shook his head. “Nothing, I just don't want to...”  Kurt indicated their naked bodies.

 

Adam glanced down at Kurt who was half hard and raised an amused eyebrow. “You sure about that?” He reached down and stroked Kurt lightly, who closed his eyes and moaned. Kurt let himself  enjoy the friction long enough to become fully hard. “God, Kurt, you make the most delicious noises.”

 

Adam's voice broke the spell.  Kurt reached down and smacked Adam's hand away. “Please don't.” Kurt's voice was strained.

 

Adam raised both his hands in surrender. “Sorry. I thought you were just teasing about not wanting to. I didn't mean to pressure you. You mean a lot to me, Kurt.”

 

Kurt frowned. “I know. I'm sorry. Last night was a lot to deal with. I need some time.”

 

Adam looked hurt. “I thought you enjoyed last night.”

 

“I did. It's just, I haven't slept with anyone since... him, and I don't know if I was really ready. He was everything to me.”

 

“I thought you'd moved on. I thought you were ready to be with me completely.”

 

“I thought so, too.” Kurt bit his bottom lip. “I don't know what to think anymore.”

 

Adam reached out and traced a finger over the frown lines on Kurt's forehead. “I'm going to go take a shower. When I come back, if you're ready to talk, we'll talk. If not, you can leave. Take as much time as you need to think this through. I'm willing to wait however long it takes for you to work through this. You're worth waiting for, Kurt.” He smiled at Kurt.

 

Kurt's face crumpled.  “Then why couldn't Blaine wait?”

 

Adam sighed. “I don't know.  All I know is that you're something special and anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve to have  you. I may be biased, though.” He pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead and gave him a small smile before standing up and walking to his bathroom.  “If you come to a decision while I'm still in here, you're welcome to join me.” He gave a saucy smirk and shook his ass in the doorway.

 

Kurt chuckled and threw a pillow at him.  After the door closed, Kurt's smile disappeared.

 

*******

 

“Yeah, Coop, I'm watching it... yes, I saw your commercial... you were fantastic as always.”  Blaine laughed.  “I'm sure Steven Spielberg is going to call you for a role right away. He's-” The door bell rang. “Hey, Coop, can I call you back? Someone's at the door... Thanks, I love you, too.”

 

Blaine hung up and jogged to the door. “Sam, if you're-Kurt?!” Blaine blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

 

Kurt smiled shyly. “Hi, Blaine. Can I come in?”

 

Blaine nodded, not able to speak in his shock. He shut the door behind Kurt and took his coat, scarf, and gloves from him on autopilot. Kurt pulled his boots off and set them side by side next to Blaine's.

 

They stood eying each other for a moment before Kurt spoke up. “Could we go sit down?”

 

Blaine nodded. He led the way to the living room, rushing to move all the papers and books from the couch to the coffee table.  He sat down on the right side of the couch and Kurt sat on the left. They stared ahead of them for a few minutes, backs stiff, unsure what to say to the other.

 

“Nice slippers.”

 

Blaine looked down. He was wearing the bunny slippers Cooper had bought him. He felt his cheeks redden. “They're a present from Coop.”

 

“They're adorable.” Kurt smiled at Blaine before looking down at his hands which were twisting nervously in his lap.

 

“What are you doing here?” Blaine said just as Kurt said, “I slept with him last night.”

 

Blaine froze and his breath left him in a rush. His heart completely stopped and he could only stare helplessly at Kurt who looked at Blaine sadly.

 

“Are you going to say something?”

 

“How am I supposed to respond to that?” Blaine turned to Kurt and he knew that Kurt could see how angry he was.

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with him?”  Blaine stood up and started to pace.

 

“I broke up with him.”

 

Blaine stopped and turned to eye Kurt. “What?”

 

“I slept with him and then I broke up with him.” Blaine nodded but he still looked confused. Kurt stood up and walked over to Blaine, taking his hands into both of his own. “I didn't understand what you'd meant about it not being right.  The act itself was pleasant but I felt empty afterward. I woke up and thought he was you and for the first time in months I was happy and felt like I was home.”

 

Blaine whimpered. “Kurt.”

 

Kurt took Blaine's face in his palms. “I didn't know what I was missing until that happened. I didn't realize just how special we were and how I know now that I'll never find what we had with anyone else. I know for sure that I love you, Blaine.” He pressed their foreheads together.

 

Blaine shook his head. “This can't be real. I must be dreaming.”

 

“Do you still love me?”

 

“I never stopped loving you.” Blaine opened his eyes and looked into the sea of beautiful blue that was Kurt. “Please tell me what this means, Kurt.”

 

“It means I want us to be more than friends again. I want to keep talking to you every week until you graduate. I want you to move in with me and Rachel and we'll start dating again. I want to be yours again.”

 

Blaine smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

 

“I'd really like to kiss you, would that be okay?”

 

Blaine didn't respond, he simply leaned forward and captured Kurt's lips with his own. The kiss was wet with their tears and Blaine stepped on Kurt's toes as he leaned upwards to keep them connected. They drew apart after a moment but stayed wrapped up in each other's arms.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Thank _you_.”

 

They smiled at each other. “Kurt, we still need to talk about this. You were in a relationship with someone else and you cared for him. You chose to sleep with him because of how much you cared for him. That's not something you can get over so quickly.”

 

“I know and we will talk about it. Right now I'd like to just hold you and let myself feel whole for a while.”

 

“I can do that.”

 

Blaine sat them down and they curled up into each other. Cooper returned home a few hours later and smiled at the two boys. He draped a blanket over them and pressed a kiss to Blaine's forehead before turning out the light and heading off to bed himself.

 

_**********_

 

_“I guess if anything comes of this, I hope you can be happy. Whether we get back together, we stay as friends, or we never see each other again, I want only your happiness. Your smile is like a thousand suns and I would hate for the world to never see it again. I hope you are able to achieve your dreams and that you take New York, hell, the world by storm. Kurt Hummel, fashion designer. Kurt Hummel, Broadway star. Kurt Hummel, the man who changed the world. You are so talented and I know you'll go places. All you have to do is put your mind to it and it will happen.”_

Making out was nice. Making out with your newly minted boyfriend was really nice. Making out with your newly minted boyfriend who happened to be the one and only Kurt Hummel was damn near perfect.  Blaine loved when Kurt would curl his fingers into his curls and tug, when he'd run his tongue up the tendon in neck, when he'd wrap his ankle around the back of his knee, when he'd dance his fingers up his rib cage, when he'd drop to his knees and look up at him through his eyelashes, and when he'd start purring when he was particularly happy.

 

 “Mmmmm, I've missed this.” Kurt drawled as he pulled back slowly from Blaine and let himself sink into the bed underneath himself. It was spring break and Kurt had managed to get some time off school to come and visit for the weekend.

 

“If we don't leave soon, you'll miss our dinner reservations, too.” Blaine commented.

 

“I think I'd rather miss the dinner. I think I'd like to stay here with you much more.” Kurt twisted one of Blaine's curls around his finger.

 

“Aren't you hungry?”

 

Kurt smirked. “Yes, and not for dinner.”

 

“Oh.” Blaine felt heat flare across his body. He leaned down and pressed his lips against where Kurt's pulse was fluttering madly in his neck.

 

_Knock knock knock_

 

Blaine groaned. “We're not interested, go away.”

 

“We?” There was a laugh. “Do you have Kurt all to yourself in there? What if I wanted to hang out with him too?”

 

“Cooper, go away!” Blaine buried his face in Kurt's neck.

 

Kurt giggled and patted Blaine's back. “If you give us another hour or so alone I promise I'll come downstairs and play Mario Kart with you.”

 

“Really?” Cooper clapped. “Sweet. Enjoy your sex, little bro and send him down when you're done.”

 

Blaine spluttered. “We're not- Coop, we're- _oh my god_.” He looked at Kurt. “Can I kill him?”

 

“I don't want to have to visit you in prison, so no.”

 

Blaine sighed. “Fine.”

 

Kurt and Blaine went back to kissing and rolling around in the bed, but neither felt comfortable taking off any clothes while they knew Cooper was in the house listening. After they made themselves presentable, they went down and Kurt beat Cooper in all fifteen tracks.

 

Cooper pouted. “Are you sure he doesn't cheat?”

 

Blaine smiled from where he sat next to Kurt. “He's just a natural. I told you he was undefeated in this game, right?”

 

Cooper nodded. “I just assumed you meant _you_ hadn't beaten him in it, because, let's face it, you suck at this game.”

 

“There are too many buttons. Why can't I just focus on driving?”

 

Kurt cooed and patted Blaine's cheek with one of his hands. “It's okay, dear, I still love you.” They shared a kiss and Cooper gagged.

 

“If I'd known you two getting back together meant I'd have to watch you make googly eyes at each other all the time, I'd have gone to Greece with Mom and Dad.”

 

“You're just jealous. You'll find a girl someday and I'll tease you as mercilessly as you tease me, Coop, just you wait.”

 

“You'd best be careful or my best man speech will be so humiliating that you'll not be able to look anyone in the eye for a week.”

 

Blaine's eyes widened. “You wouldn't dare.”

 

Cooper just smiled. “You'd better be nicer to me, that's all I'm saying. I'm going to go make some hot pockets, you guys want one?”

 

Kurt shook his head. “I think you still have some ingredients for salad. I'll go make some.” He stood up and turned to Blaine. “I can go cook up some hamburger if you want a taco salad.”

 

“You're the best.” Blaine reached up and pulled on the tie that was dangling from Kurt's neck until he leaned down and kissed him. He made a happy noise against his boyfriend's lips. He would never get over this feeling. “Love you.”

 

“Love you, too.” Kurt grinned and walked over to the kitchen.

 

Cooper smiled over at Blaine. “I'm glad you got him back, Blaine.”

 

“Me too.” He gave a wistful smile.

 

Cooper reached over and ruffled Blaine's hair. “Take care of each other, okay?”

 

“We will.”

 

 

*******

 

“Peanut butter and jelly or turkey?”

 

“Pea budder and jewwy, Daddy.”

 

“Okie dokie, little man. Go tell your Papa that your shirt is on backwards.”

 

Nathan jumped up and waddled over to where Blaine sat putting a diaper onto his five month old sister.

 

“Papa, my shirt is wackbirds.” He gave a gap-toothed grin.

 

Blaine started to pull a pair of pants on his daughter as he turned to look at his son. “I think you mean backwards. Sorry about that, Natey.” He reached out and helped him pull his arms out of the sleeves and turn the shirt the right way around. “There you go, buddy. All better.” He pressed a kiss to his son's sticky cheek. He reached down to where his daughter was attempting to untie his shoes. “All right, Princess, let's go see what your Daddy's doing.”

 

He pulled her into his arms and stood up, bouncing her as he went to join his husband in their kitchen. Kurt smiled when he saw them. “Hello, Jessie.” He made grabby hands and Blaine handed her off. “Hey, babe.” He gave Blaine a quick kiss before turning to talk to the baby in his arms. “Look at your cute dress. Did Papa pick that out for you? Yes, he did.” Jessica patted Kurt's cheek and gave him a small laugh.

 

“Papa, up?” Blaine looked down at Nathan who had his arms stretched out above him.

 

“What do you think we're going to do today?”

 

Nathan put a finger to his dimpled chin and squinted his eyes in thought. “I no know.”

 

“Do you think we're going to the park?”

 

He squealed. “Park, Papa?”

 

Kurt finished putting their sandwiches into a basket and packed their diaper bag with the kid's snacks and drinks. “We are going to have a picnic lunch at the park and then we'll feed the ducks at the pond.”

 

“Ucks! Ucks!” Nathan squealed and clapped.

 

Jessica clapped along with her big brother. It was one of the tricks she'd learned this week and she always looked so proud when she did it.

 

“Are we all set?”

 

Kurt nodded. “Let's get loaded into the car, everybody. Natey, grab your backpack, please.”

 

“Where is my ack-ack?” His son asked when Blaine had set him down.

 

“It's on the chair, sweetheart.” He pointed to the blue bag sitting on one of the dining room chairs. Kurt hefted the diaper bag and Blaine grabbed the picnic basket. “Hold Papa's hand.” Nathan reached out and wrapped his hand around Blaine's first two fingers and they walked towards the door.

 

It took them several minutes to pack their bags and their children in the car, but soon they were off to the park.

 

Blaine set up their blanket while Kurt pulled out their lunch items. Blaine put Jessica into her bouncy chair and set a few of Nathan's toys around him.

 

“Sammich, Daddy.” Nathan called out when he saw Kurt pull it from the basket.

 

“Okay, Natey. Let me unwrap it for you.” He pulled the sandwich from the plastic bag and placed it on a napkin in front of Nathan. “Would you like your juice?”

 

Nathan nodded excitedly. Kurt pulled the Cinderella cup from the cooler and passed it to his son. He had been beyond thrilled when he'd realized Nathan loved the Disney princesses nearly as much as he and Blaine had when they were growing up.

 

He smiled over at Blaine who was feeding Jessica some of her baby oatmeal, catching the chunks of it dripping down her chin before they'd touch her dress. He was making cooing noises and opening his mouth largely to encourage her to eat and Jessica was smiling broadly. “Nom nom nom, nummy oatmeal.”

 

“Nom nom nom.” Nathan piped up from where he was shoving chunks of sandwich into his mouth. “What are you eating, Daddy?”

 

“I'm eating a tuna sandwich.”

 

“Eww.” Nathan crinkled his nose.

 

Blaine laughed. “He looks just like you, hon.”

 

Kurt smiled at his husband. “I'm sure I don't look nearly that adorable.”

 

Blaine leaned over and pecked him on the lips. “If it weren't for our kids, I'd say you were the most adorable thing in my life.”

 

“Kiss me too, Papa!” Nathan scooted over closer to Blaine, who grinned down at him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head and then kissed Jessica, too.

 

Kurt and Blaine ate their sandwiches in-between helping their children with their lunches. Soon, they were finished and Kurt packed everything up except for the crusts of bread he'd removed from Nathan's sandwich earlier in the day. “Ready to go feed the ducks?” He nodded and hopped up, running towards the pond. “Nathan, you have to wait for Daddy. You can't run to the pond by yourself.”

 

He stopped and turned around with guilty, puppy dog eyes. “Sowwy, Daddy.”

 

“It's okay, sweetheart. How about you hold my hand and we walk together?” He turned back to Blaine. “Could you grab the camera, Blaine?”

 

“Will do.” Blaine hefted Jessica onto his shoulder and dug through the diaper bag for their camera. He followed Kurt and Nathan to the pond and smiled at the sight of his two favorite boys running from the ducks. Jessica started clapping and Blaine smiled down at her, kissing her cheek and declaring her to be the prettiest girl in the world.

 

Blaine had never been more happy than this exact moment. He had a loving husband and two beautiful children who never ceased to keep him on his toes and so excited to see what each day brought. He could never have dreamed of a future this perfect back when he and Kurt had started dating. He hadn't dared to hope for something this special when they got back together. They still had difficult moments, but this time they worked through them together and came out the other side as better parents and better husbands. They couldn't have asked for a better life than the one they had together.

 

 

 _“If you're still watching this, thank you. Thank you for giving me this last chance to explain even though this probably won't fix anything. I hope one day we can look back on our memories without feeling this pain. We can appreciate what we gave to each other and how we helped each other through such a rough part of our lives. Who knows, maybe we **will**_ _end up back together and we'll look back on this and shake our heads at how foolish we were and how glad we are that we made it through. I guess only time will tell. I love you, Kurt. Please take care of yourself and never forget that I love you.”_

**Full Video From Blaine**

“Hi, Mr. Hummel. I assumed you'd be watching this so I figured I'd say hi before I got into this. I completely understand if you watch this and hate me. In fact, I'm expecting it. I just hope you can see that this is important and that Kurt needs to watch this.

Kurt, I hope you'll allow me this one moment to say what I've been trying to say for so long. After that, you can decide to never see me or speak to me again. Just give me this chance.

I love you, Kurt. More than anything I've loved in my entire life. You're the best thing that's happened to me and I hope you'll always remember that. Even when I'm an old man and yelling at those damn kids to 'just get off my lawn' I'll still look back on you as one of the best things to have ever happened to me. I loved you and I loved us and I wanted forever. I was naïve to think we wouldn't have any problems... I don't want to focus on those right now. I need to get through this video and I won't if I start right in on what went wrong. I hope you'll allow me to remember what we did right, because we were good. We did a lot right and we need to remember those times too.

Sometimes I'd set my alarm for ten minutes before we had to wake up. I'd take the time to just look at you, which I know sounds creepy, but I didn't mean in a Twilight way, I promise. It was just... you were so peaceful and you'd have this extremely happy smile on your face. I'd lay there and imagine us in ten years time. We'd still be waking up this way, but instead, we'd be in our own house and I'd be appreciating what little peace we'd have before our kids woke up. I never told you about that. I thought you'd think I was crazy, that I was moving too fast.

I thought about what we'd be doing for careers and where we'd be living. New York was always one of the places I pictured us, but I also saw us in Boston in a little suburb just outside the city. You'd still be designing and I'd be stay-at-home dad because obviously you'd be famous and we'd be making enough money to support us. I'd bring the kids to soccer or dance or whatever they wanted to do and you'd join us at the games and competitions. You'd design the uniforms for the team and the dresses for the dancers.

We'd have a dog, too. He would follow me everywhere because I'd be the pushover that couldn't say no to him and you'd yell at me for giving him table scraps. I'd name him something cheesy like Buddy because even if he had a name I'd be calling, “Here, buddy.” Our children would love him and they'd roll around the big backyard with him. I even came up with names for them, the children I was picturing us having. Oh god, that sounds insane. I need to stop before you ask for me to be committed. 

I'm sorry that I keep saying these things about us and our future. I know that those are all completely out of reach now. I just feel like you should know about them. I really should have been more open with you. I trusted you but not enough to show those deeper parts of me. I didn't want to scare you away. The real reason I made this video was to help you move on, help **us** move on and instead I'm taking painful trips down memory lane.

I always loved that we were honest with each other right from the beginning. No one ever wanted to talk about my past or talk about their own past. They were content with talking about the present and the future. I hadn't dealt with my past so I felt like I had to push it aside instead of working through it. You were different. You wanted to know about me and that was so refreshing. You trusted me and asked for my opinion and I finally felt helpful for once. We had a lot going for us and we were open with each other.

Part of the problem we had was that we were open and honest only when asked out right about things. We both kept parts of us hidden that we were afraid to bring to light. I hated myself for a long time before I met you. My hair was a disaster, my eyebrows were overpowering, I was too short, the list goes on and on. People in my life were always quick to point out my shortcomings. I got to a point where life honestly had no meaning and I was ready to give up. Then you were there. It took one glance from you and I felt special. I felt like my life had some meaning, if only to make you smile. You didn't see the uniform and the facade. You saw the real me, the one I kept hidden from everyone else. You made me confident and proud of myself and for that I will be forever grateful.

No one ever wanted to talk about my attack. As soon as they found out, they pretended to be sympathetic, but they never wanted to talk about it. When I finally told you, you actually understood it, the pain and worthlessness I'd felt. You took me home with you and sat me down and made sure that I was able to talk about it in a safe place and then you held me. You said you hadn't been much help but that moment meant everything to me. You helped me get through all that darkness. You gave me good memories to replace the bad ones.

The good times didn't last, though. I've messed up so much in my relationship with you. First, I acted like I was some goddamn mentor who had to show you how to overcome your problems when all I really wanted to do was kiss you senseless. Then, I went after another guy while you had to stand by and watch. I won't even go into when I went after a girl, that's a really dark time I wish never to remember again. Next, I told you that you weren't sexy which was the farthest thing from the truth. Finally, I did one right thing in my life I got my head out of my ass and realized my feelings for you.

Did I ever apologize for leading you on all those months? You've told me time and again how much of a flirt I was and I honestly had no idea that I was doing that. Thinking back, I'm sure I loved you long before I told you but I had never been in love, so I didn't understand my feelings. I didn't understand what happiness felt like so I just thought you were making me happy, nothing more. You were hurting yourself, so once I started suspecting my attraction to you, I pushed those feelings aside. I was used to holding back my feelings around my parents and friends, so it wasn't that hard. That was probably the start of all our problems. Even though you never gave me reason to think so, I thought I would lose you if you didn't hold back those darker parts of my past.

Unfortunately that wasn't the end of the mess ups, not by a long shot. There was the Sebastian fiascoes, the Chandler fiasco, and then the biggest fuck up of them all. That one, I will discuss later. I guess that nothing ever really went right. For every good thing I had to go and mess something up. I never truly appreciated what we had until I'd lost it. I should have done right by you but I never did. For that, Kurt, for not making sure you knew exactly how amazing you are, I am so sorry. You deserve the world and nothing less.

I have the feeling that even if I hadn't cheated, we would have come to the point we're at right now. What we hadn't wasn't the healthiest of relationships. I was one hundred percent dependent on you and as soon as you weren't there for me whenever I needed, I started floundering.  I'd been half a person before we met and I never learned to become a whole person. I was only whole because I attached myself to you. You grew, Kurt. You were able to move past this little town and you didn't need me anymore. I realized after you left that no one needed me anymore and I felt so worthless. You had your own problems you were dealing with, so I thought that I shouldn't bother you with my own. This lead to the biggest mistake I've ever made.

Now onto the part I know you're both waiting for and dreading. As much as it kills me to say it again, as much as I wish I could go back and change it, this horrible thing happened. I cheated on you. I let my fears and insecurities get the better of me and I latched onto someone I shouldn't have. Instead of realizing that you weren't truly pushing me away, I listened to those little voices whispering that I wasn't good enough, that you didn't want me anymore. I let them tell me you were moving on with better and more beautiful people. No one cared about me anymore, no one even talked to me. I tried to tell you but you never let me speak. It was always about how wonderful your life was so I gave up. Then one day, he complimented me and I let it happen. I let myself stray from you, from us, and I gave him that part of me that only you had ever had. It doesn't matter that I didn't feel anything. It doesn't matter that I regret it more than anything else in my entire life. It happened and we can't go back to what we were. I hope one day you can forgive me but I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. I understand that and I'm working to accept it.

I guess if anything comes of this, I hope you can be happy. Whether we get back together, we stay as friends, or we never see each other again, I want only your happiness. Your smile is like a thousand suns and I would hate for the world to never see it again. I hope you are able to achieve your dreams and that you take New York, hell, the world by storm. Kurt Hummel, fashion designer. Kurt Hummel, Broadway star. Kurt Hummel, the man who changed the world. You are so talented and I know you'll go places. All you have to do is put your mind to it and it will happen.

If you're still watching this, thank you. Thank you for giving me this last chance to explain even though this probably won't fix anything. I hope one day we can look back on our memories without feeling this pain. We can appreciate what we gave to each other and how we helped each other through such a rough part of our lives. Who knows, maybe we **will** end up back together and we'll look back on this and shake our heads at how foolish we were and how glad we are that we made it through. I guess only time will tell. I love you, Kurt. Please take care of yourself and never forget that I love you.”


End file.
